Speed Visiting

On a short-term experimental basis the hospice I work for has decided to try out a new system for chaplain visits. It is called “speed visiting” (after the concept of “speed dating”). We know the advantages of speed dating, where we quickly screen out the folks we are not interested in and zero in on the most likely candidates. Why spend lots of time trying to unravel all sorts of deep and convoluted layers of meaning when a truly skilled chaplain can size up a person in a matter of seconds? After all, we know the signs of sadness, anger, disgust, ennui, denial and all the rest. And we know how to instantly respond to their need to be heard. We just have to urge them to express their distress in a sound-bite appropriate length, just as they do in other areas of their life. We just have to reassure them that we get what they are feeling almost as if we were inside their brains, so they don’t have to elaborate.  And why waste gobs of time with patients who really are not the least bit interested in seeing a chaplain just to have more to say in our medical record notes? And if we need to vent, we really are desperate if we have to do so in our clinical notes, I mean really!

Really? Speed visiting? April Fools!!