Her Most Memorable Cup Of Coffee

When we anticipate something major happening to the loved ones in our lives, we picture that it will occur in some dramatic context, almost with music materializing in the background like in the movies. Law professor and prolific author Roberta Rosenthal Kwall finds out that when key events happen to her parents late in their lives, that is not what it is like at all when she gets the news. When you read her story below, does it resonate with you? What were you in the middle of doing when a loved one fell or got very ill or died? Whatever it was, no matter how mundane, you will remember it forever.

“For most of my adult life, I did not live in geographic proximity to my parents. Shortly after my husband and I married and moved to Chicago, my parents moved to Florida where they lived for many years. We saw one another a few times a year and spoke at least weekly, often more. But during most of this time, I found it relatively easy to avoid too much focus on my parents’ mortality despite their occasional brushes with even some serious health conditions. Eventually, however, I had to confront the reality that they needed to move closer to me so I could step up my level of involvement on a daily basis. They moved to Chicago about two years before my father passed. Not surprisingly, this was not an easy sell given the harsh Chicago winters…

But soon my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and then my mother was hit by a car as she was crossing the street. I had to move my father to the nursing wing while my mother spent three months in the hospital and a rehab facility. Given the extent of her injuries and his progressing illness, my father needed to remain in the nursing section permanently.

Six months later, my father fell and broke his pelvis. His doctor predicted he had about a month to live given the nature of his injuries and the trajectory of Alzheimer’s patients who experience this type of injury. He was 100% on target. In a way, I was relieved because I never wanted to see my father in the end stages of this Alzheimer’s. At the time he passed away, he still more or less knew who I was and he could still communicate. Still, when the call came, it was almost sundown on a wintery Saturday afternoon and I was home reading a book. Despite his doctor’s prediction, the event still seemed unexpected and was a shock. I learned what it meant to expect the unexpected.

My mother passed away six-and-a-half years later, but although they both died at the age of 92, the circumstances were very different… Her last years were difficult physically but I want to believe they were also somewhat emotionally joyous. She saw our family all the time and even got to meet our daughters’ significant others and attend our oldest daughter’s wedding.

The last time I saw my mother was a beautiful sunny day right before my husband and I left for a trip to Italy. It was a short but sweet visit and she seemed stable and in good spirits. I never expected this to be the last time I would see her, although that thought always crossed my mind whenever I traveled. But two days into our trip I got a phone call informing me that she had passed away. We were at breakfast overlooking the Amalfi coast, and I was just about to take a sip of a delectable Italian coffee. Again, another case of expecting the unexpected. No matter how old your parents are, and how infirm, it is often the case that one just does not expect to receive the news that they have passed.”

© Roberta Rosenthal Kwall:Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved, from her book Remix Judaism: Preserving Tradition in a Diverse World. Roberta Rosenthal Kwall is the Raymond P. Niro Professor at DePaul University College of Law. Kwall is an internationally renowned scholar and lecturer and has published over 30 articles on a wide variety of topics including Jewish law and culture, authorship rights, and intellectual property. For more information on her book, go to this Amazon link: https://amzn.to/2kY8gFo

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